Mystery Theft of Money - Grand Larceny of the Heart
Recently she told me that if I don’t see her as a life-long partner, then we should break up, thereby threatening divorce, something she does on an off on a regular basis for the last 16 years. Moreover she maybe can't wait for me to die and must do so while she is still young.
He said I don’t trust her and that mistrust shows up on day-to-day interactions, especially when we travel or from my travels return home to find that she has moved on, yet again and didn't tell me she planned to do so.
I have an anxiety disorder, hypersensitivity and allergies, so I need to know exactly where we are going, where to eat, etc. I am an engineer so planning must be done meticulously before venturing onto a trip of any kind. She is more casual about it, even-though she's a bookkeepper.
The mistrust stems from my suspicion that she stole my money while I/we were traveling several years ago. We were supposed to buy a house with the down payment in cash from our joint account, I put in $10,000 per agreement and she was supposed to do the same or at least put into a CD 'till such time she can come up with $10K as well, except the money never made it to the CD account and it was withdrawn from the joint account. She stated that the money transfer never made it to the joint account, when confronted.
She said she didn’t do it, but I lost $10,000 the day we got to the destination, and then 10 days later it magically reappeared in my money account then disappeared and ended up in her account with some going overseas to remodel her mother's house. Upon confrontation, years later she said, I gave it to her.
I am very meticulous with my money. I even wrote down the serial numbers of the bills.
What I have not told her was that one day I looked into her wallet. I found three fresh $100 bills that matched my missing bills. Further, she has sued me for child support, she said $10K is not enough. My passport has been revoked and driver's license suspended, since whether I pay on time or not am in arrears
I know if I told this to her, giving her a taste of her own medicine, she would want to break up, which she will anyway. I have already forgiven her, for she knows not what she's doing but she and I.... keeps bringing it up as an issue of mistrust. Should I tell her?
Made a list of all person(s) we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all, to no avail. She will not meet with me, as I have tried... ( She's apparently with some one else, so she says. Daughter says no. ) She supposedly hath forgiven me, but if that were the case we'd at least be cordial, meet somewhere privately, and still be "friends," to no avail. ( "Friends?" Yeah it's like you ask your mom for a dog and she says "yes," only - after the dog you wanted has been run over by a car and is dead .or. dying )....
— Forgiving
Dear Forgiving: Not every relationship must lead to forever, but your gal seems to be declaring that it is time to fish or cut bait. Either that or she is laying the groundwork for a breakup, by basically accusing you of deal-breaking behavior.
I can understand why your anxiety disorder and hypertension, might lead you to be hyper-vigilant regarding day-to-day interactions. But according to you, you have a concrete reason not to trust her, as well as evidence that she took money from you. But if she removed this money and then replaced it, what were her motivations? Was she testing you? Was she trying to gaslight you?
You say you have forgiven her and her, you 'coz neither know what he/she is doing... for this transgression, but I wonder if you have — or if you should.
What you should NOT do is continue to sweep this under the rug. Now is the time for you to be brave enough to confront her about this and present her with the proof you claim to have.
She may deny your accusation. But after over ten years, this incident is not going away. It seems to be symbolic of your larger problem as a couple, which is the inability to communicate about your behavior ( hyper-vigilance etc. ), and her behavior ( blaming and shaming ), in order to find ways to move forward as a trusting, loving couple.
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