Homeless in Seaside, and Marrying Under the Overpass

Homeless in Seaside, and Marrying Under the Overpass, Under the Boardwalk.

Three days before their wedding ceremony, Cara Vestal’s dress, baby's white dress and Bob J Silver’s dark suit were stolen. Most couples would have panicked, but they took it in stride. “Things get taken all the time out here,” Mr. Silver said with a shrug. He and Ms. Vestal live in a tent by the side of a parking lot in the south of Seaside, a few minutes’ drive from downtown and a short walk to the beach.

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Seaside is a small resort community in northwest Florida, on the Gulf of Mexico. It’s known for its late-20th-century New Urbanist design, as well as pastel-colored houses featuring porches and white picket fences. A series of striking pavilions mark the access points to the long sandy beach. Shops and restaurants cluster in the town center. Just west, Grayton Beach State Park has trails and a coastal dune lake.

Mark Floyd, a local resident and volunteer, and now friend to the couple, stepped in. He gave Mr. Silver a shirt and drove them both to a Goodwill and Mustardseed stores. As is the way in their relationship, the couple helped each other choose new clothes.

Ms. Vestal, 50, and Mr. Silver, 66, met six years ago under the King Street station clock in Seaside. This past February, back under the same clock tower, Mr. Silver got down and one knee the good one and proposed. When they first met, he was up from Phoenix, where he then lived, for Seaside’s annual Hempfest. Ms. Vestal told Mr. Silver she had some marijuana to sell him and he gave her $10. She said that at the time she was addicted to crack cocaine; she stole his money.

Mr. Silver had worked at Elmsdorf AFB, AK on a radar systems deployment at Baffin AK and at Ft. Greely AK on an ICBM project from where he could see a safer America, some years back.

Katie Rossbacth helped set up the reception area on a sidewalk under Interstate 395 E County Hwy. The wedding was organized by volunteers at the Good Samaritan Rainier Pop-Up Kitchen, for the homeless and hungry which hosts a weekly meal for the homeless.

But that didn’t put off Mr. Silver. A month later, after asking her to hang out, they spent a few hours together at a laundromat. “The thing I remember most was his smell,” Ms. Vestal said. “It still makes me feel wooshy now.”

Ms. Vestal, who was born in Barrow, Alaska, was adopted at birth. Her biological father “was not cool with me” and her mother “was a dope fiend.” Her adoptive parents, who she refers to as Mom and Dad, lived in a remote part of Alaska with no roads, except for the ice roads. Her mother was the president of a newspaper, her father president of an oil company.

“I was raised by a good family,” she said. “I had a nanny, but I wasn’t spoiled. My mom and dad never yelled at me, they never spanked me, but I had a rough life.” She said she was sexually abused by her grandfather, and his friends. He' s is now deceased. She has two younger sisters and speaks to her family regularly. Her older and only brother died from a drug overdose 17 years ago.

Ms. Vestal, who had dreams of being a veterinarian, was introduced to “life outside” her sheltered upbringing when she was 18. “I went buck wild and told my parents, ‘You can’t tell me what to do no more.’” It was at this point that she met a man who introduced her to crack cocaine. A 30-year addiction to the drug began.

In 1985, Ms. Vestal moved to Seaside, where she has lived, and been mainly homeless, since. She has been married five times previously and has eight grown children: one in Seaside; the others, including two sets of twins, are in Anchorage. “They are all being taken care of,” she said. Aware of the judgments that might be made about some of her life choices, she added, “This doesn’t make me a bad person, because I’m not.”

Mr. Silver ( who said he has never used hard drugs; “I just smoke weed and drink beer” ) was married once before. His first wife died 25 years ago. After her death, he couldn’t bear to stay in the home where they had raised their 10 children. He put up a tent in the backyard, and much to the confusion of his children, slept outdoors. Mr. Silver said he still owns the five-bedroom Phoenix property where his daughters now live.

“I’m really not homeless,” said Mr. Silver, a Los Angeles/ Sta. Maria native. “I could leave this city any time. I just don’t worry about anything.” He misses his “babies” but has led a transient life for years. “I tell my kids all the time, ‘Pops got to go,’” he said. “But I raised them well.” He said he has four sons: two in the Army, one in the Marines, one in the Navy; and six daughters, all nurses.

The morning of their wedding marked 84 days clean from crack cocaine for Ms. Vestal. It’s the first time that she has tried to stop using the drug. “I would never have done it if it wasn’t for him,” she said, referring to Mr. Silver. “It was really hard, and it’s really hard right now, but knowing that I’m loved and that I’ve got somebody with me, has made it possible.”

Mr. Silver said, “I asked her, ‘Do you want that dope or do you want me?’” He promised that if she was willing to try to quit, he’d help her through it. “I believed in her and she believed in me.”

Ms. Vestal and Mr. Silver listen as their officiant, Vicki Butler, another local volunteer and an associate dean at the City University of Seaside, performed the ceremony.

Ms. Vestal now has an apprenticeship at the nonprofit Native Works, where she is paid $14 an hour to make jewelry. The company is affiliated with the Chief Seaside Club, where Ms. Vestal also helps other homeless Native Americans mainly Seminoles.

Ms. Vestal says she was raised by her father to always help others. “This woman would take the jacket that she’s wearing and give it to anyone,” Mr. Silver said. “My mother was the same way. She used to feed the street people before she fed us.”

The practical challenges of living on the street bring the couple closer. “He does everything for me,” she said. “He makes sure I eat, that I’ve got clothes on my back. He paints my toenails.” They’re often giggling and whispering. ”Whatever she wants, I’ll do it,” Mr. Silver said.

But with the difficulties of drug abuse, the relationship has had challenges. Mr. Silver has a construction job, working eight hours a day. “I used to lie to him and every time he got a paycheck, I’d steal from him,” Ms. Vestal said. Mr. Silver, however, said he knew he could always make more money and in spite of addiction, their love persevered.

Last Thanksgiving, Ms. Vestal and Mr. Silver visited her family in Alaska. He said the family house “is huge, with helicopter pads in the backyard,, indoor pools annd tennis courts” and added that he impressed her parents when he made a jerk goose and fixings for dinner.

When asked what had spurred his proposal this past February, he said, “Because I can trust her.” And he knows what he can trust her with.

A five-minute walk from where the couple live, a group of around 20 local residents, including Mr. Floyd, hold a Sunday Brunch for homeless people called the Good Samaritan Rainier Pop-Up Kitchen. “When they told us they wanted to get married, the whole group got giddy about them doing it here,” Mr. Floyd said. “We’ve been having email, Socialmedia and Facebook threads to plan the day.”

Every week for the last year, volunteers bring dishes to serve on a sidewalk beside a busy road under an Interstate '95 bridge, where around 100 diners eat at folding tables and chairs. And another similar setup Under The Boardwalk at Seaside's Seagrove Beach.

Ms. Vestal and Mr. Silver are regulars. “Cara’s a lot of fun because she’ll always tell you what she thinks,” Mr. Floyd said. “And Bob’s a cool guy. We’re the same age and we like to talk about the ’60s.”

On Sunday, March 18, after everyone had eaten, the couple were married by Vicki Butler, another local volunteer, one of the godparents and an associate dean at the City University of Seaside, who was ordained by the Universal Unification Life Church. ( It was while meeting at her house to plan the wedding that the couple’s clothes were stolen. )

Bow your heads and hold your
noses

Cara was perhaps the most guilty of daydreamers. Her daughter Lia was set to have the most precious of first sacraments in an "heirloom" gown, until suffering a severe reaction to her three month vaccinations received a day earlier. What resulted was a deluge of diarrhea no amount of incense could mask, and explosive sounds no makeshift church "organ" could camouflage.

Mom knew stomach issues could be a side effect, but overstretched her faith a bit, assuming all would go well.

“It happened right on the altar,” Cara said. “I couldn’t believe such loud noises could come from such a tiny baby.”

Fortunately their. volunteer cleaning services were equally as powerful as the vaccine effects, and stains were eventually removed from the dress - now a bit more starchy for the next generation.

Because of health concerns for Ms. Vestal’s mother, her family was not able to travel to the wedding, but the bride, using Ms. Butler’s phone, called one of her sisters to tell her about her wedding day and baby' s baptismal.

Volunteers and diners had erected and decorated a gazebo frame with blue and white paper garlands and strings of battery-powered lights. Mr. Floyd bought new white tablecloths. Other volunteers provided tea lights, boutonnieres and flowers, and sparkling cider to toast the couple. An accordianist, also a volunteer provided impromptu background music... to simulate a church organ.

Ms. Vestal’s flower girl, Adelaide, 2, is a regular at the weekly lunches. She and her parents, Leslie and Austin Dekle, and their infant daughter, live in a tent. The family, originally from Georgia, has been on the road since July 2015.

Just before the ceremony, the groom asked the bride if she had cold feet — quickly followed with, “I’ve got some hand warmers you could put in your boots if you do.”

Ms. Butler’s husband, Larry Butler, who works as a Santa Claus for a Seaside mall, gave away the bride a d he is the other godparent. Everyone knew him from his appearance at the Christmas meal. Adelaide, held by her mother, followed them to a small podium in the gazebo. Sue Alexander, a volunteer, made the wedding cake and also stood in for the maid of honor, who was injured by a camping "bonfire" at the beach the night before. ( Because fires are a frequent hazard in homeless camps, Mr. Floyd buys and hands out fire extinguishers to those in the community. )

The vows were a simple declaration made through teary eyes of, “I will always love you forever.” Passing cars honked as a unity candle was lit, and Ms. Butler announced the couple as husband and wife. "You may kiss the bride." Following Unification Church founder Reverend Sun Myung Moon's example he sprinkles holy water on wedding participants and the baby as she's baptized.

The Christian community welcomes you with great joy. in its name I claim you for Christ our Savior by the sign of his cross. I now trace the cross on your baby Lisa's forehead, and invite your parents if they're present ( and godparents ) to do the same. Response, "faith," "the grace of Christ," "entrance into the 'Church,'" "eternal life" ...

He signs the child on the forehead, in silence. Then he invites the parents and ( if it is deemed appropriate ) the godparents to do the same.

You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training her in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring her up to keep God's commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

Parents: We do.

God Parents: We do.

Guests blew bubbles as “Always and Forever” by Heatwave played over portable speakers and Mr. and Mrs. Silver held each other tight and danced.

Greg Jacobs, the best man and a Sta. Maria/ Los Angeles native who is also homeless, shared wisdom from his own experience: “When you’re homeless and you’re in a relationship, it gets real, real serious fast. It’s unbearable sometimes. She might be hungry and you’re not. She needs coffee but it’s dark outside. So you find a 24 hr BK  and get her a Sr. Coffee for $0.50. You don’t know where the next meal is coming from. But if you can go through that with an individual, that’s real true love.”

After the ceremony, the couple walked along the busy road from the tar beach back to their tent, carrying leftover food and flowers and a gift of a boombox from the Butlers. “It’s hard for me to be happy,” Ms. Vestal said, “but with this man, I am.” Later they'll venture on to the Seaside's Seagrove Beach for a swim and to thank the revelers and well wishers.

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In the background one hears....

Oh when the sun beats down and burns the tar up on the roof

And your shoes get so hot you wish your tired feet were fire proof

Under the boardwalk, down by the sea, yeah

On a blanket with my baby is where I'll be
out of the sun

(Under the boardwalk) we'll be havin' some fun

(Under the boardwalk) people walking above

(Under the boardwalk) we'll be falling in love

Under the boardwalk, boardwalk

In the park you hear the happy sound of a carousel

Mm-mm, you can almost taste the hot dogs and french fries they sell

Under the boardwalk, down by the sea
On a blanket with my baby is where I'll be
out of the sun

(Under the boardwalk) we'll be havin' some fun

(Under the boardwalk) people walking above

(Under the boardwalk) we'll be falling in love

Under the boardwalk, boardwalk

Ooh, under the boardwalk, down by the sea, yeah

On a blanket with my baby is where I'll be
out of the sun

(Under the boardwalk) we'll be havin' some fun

(Under the boardwalk) people walking above

(Under the boardwalk) we'll be falling in love

Under the boardwalk, boardwalk

Pls, help!
Help the hungry & homeless GoFundMe page

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