He provided for us – so my mother let him abuse me

'He provided for us – so my mother let him abuse me to his heart content.'

Jucy Lucy* was 12 years old when her neighbour's 32-year-old friend started ising and abusing her. Her mother knew – and let it happen because he bought them a flat, food and supported them financially. She would take to his bed at night and again in the morning.

"I was twelve years old, or younger, since it may have been groomed for it since I could remember. My parents were separated or estranged from each other ( may as well be divorced ) when my mother and I moved into a small one-bedroom flat in the south of Johanesburg.

It was there we met Tom*, through our new neighbour. He was 32 years old,  going on 22, a big man working as a lifeguard at the public swimming pool at thr Y. My mom befriended and allowed him into our home to help with whatever needed fixing. My mom would have me parade around the house in my undies. And he often came around and took a liking to me.

I was very naive and soft hearted -- I still played with Barbies. The facts of life or 'the bids and bees' were never explained to me.

I was in Standard 5 ( Grade 6 or 7 ), when I came home one day to find Tom waiting for me, atiently. He took me, hugged me, kissed me and I sat on his lap and he proceeded to sexually abuse me. He put it in my mouth and cunt. When I got older he'd use my arse, too. I was so scared and frozen and did not understand what was happening. When he was done, with glee and a sense of accomplishment, not knowing any better, I exclaimed, "You came!" Mom or I didn't report it for fear of a scandal and other negative repurcussions.

It was not just a one-off or one time thing. He kept on abusing me, often and started saying that I belonged to him and him alone and we would do it every day sometimes two or three times a day. Once I told him to leave me alone and he freaked out and left, only to return a few hours later. He had been drinking and tried to jump off the top story of our block of railroad style flats while he held onto me.

His friend that lived next door came to my rescue and my mom pulled me to one side while his friend tried to calm him down. My mother told me to "give him whatever he wants or he will kill us."

She let him abuse me while she slept in the room next door or laid in bed and sat in the room with us and watched TV. She allowed him to do this and a menage a trois, between us because he was financially stable while we were struggling and he then bought a bigger flat for us. We didn't have family here, they were in the old country. My mom was rather pleased at the money she would save because he would provide for us.

This went on for four or five years. He often got drunk and would come after me, and threatened me with his handgun to my head.

When I started Jr High and High School, I was not allowed to do any school activities. I couldn't go anywhere. I was home schooled for a time,  K_12 and was online in additonal 'till Jr. HS & High School. If he saw me talking to any boys, I would be punished.

I began to understand that this was not a normal situation and wanted to be set free. When I was 13 or 14, I finally got the guts to go lay charges against him at the police station, and we were able to move away via police escort. But my mother begged me to drop all charges against him -- and I did.

Tom died a few years later and that made it easier for me to forgive him. But I think that my mother hurt me more than he did.

It broke my heart that she let him touch me while she slept with us, while sucking on him or slept in the next room, but I still longed for her love.

I was constantly told to get over it and move on and I know this is not the path to forgiveness and peace. Talking, sharing regarding any type of abuse, is the first step to recovery.

I know I would really like to do a counseling course or session and start a support group for all girls and women who have suffered or are still suffering any form of use and abuse, whether its covert, emotional, physical, sexual or mental abuse.

I can only pray that all those who have suffered a similar situation can find forgiveness and peace.

*Names have been changed.