An Apology to My Wife's Ex-Husband, in 13 Parts

An Apology to My Wife's Ex-Husband, in 13 Parts

1. I had an affair with your wife, to whom I am now married, and I am so, so sorry. If there is one decision in my life I could undo, it would be this. Because of what it did to you, because of what it’s done to me, and because it was just plain wrong
2. I won’t take full responsibility for the breakdown of your marriage. The myth of the homewrecker is just that — a myth. No one can wreck someone’s home against her will. You two wrecked your home on your own, before I ever came on the scene. And anyway, you had an affair too, so I know you understand.
3. However, I still owe you several apologies beyond the apology for my original mortal sin.
4. I am sorry I believed the things she said about you.
5. She told me that you were dumb. She said it without malice .or. animosity, but laced with asperity — just presented it as a fact; you weren’t that smart and therefore she was bored with you,plus you were getting older and she wasn't getting any younger, given that she needs to move on while she's still young (sorry, those are her words not mine).
6. Now I’m the stupid one; she tells me regularly. But I know I’m not stupid, and now I know that you aren’t, either. I’m sorry I didn’t challenge her when she said that you were.
7. She told me that you were too lazy to work, too much of a 'prima donna'... a 'diva' ... he's always "Teleworking!" He may .or. may not go into the office one .or. two days a week, his "Teleworkin'" the rest. And when you did work you were always travelling, given your profession and  made too much money, you were up there and she couldn't catch up, I admit some of this caused me to look down on you since I’m such a worker .or. work-aholic myself, since I’ve always been self-sufficient. I don't see what the problem is with too much money? But I find myself, as well calling in sick more and more these days, "sick o' working," as it were, asking my boss, if I can work from home  you know "Telecommute,".or. "Telework," on others. Not because I want to spend time with her, but because I’m afraid to leave her in charge of our two children during the day (she works from home, and you know how she can snap when she’s angry, when someone irritates her .or. argues with her about nearly anything (or uses the kids for her own needs, being an absentee parent tends to leave a vacuum that gets filled unintentionally .or. unwittingly ie the eldest becomes a surrogate or 2nd parent to the other siblings .and./.or. spouse, to significant other ( your oldest daughter may have dealt, with the brunt of it, further complicating the situation and adding  a little,PTSD to the scenario ). Now, finally, it occurs to me that you may have wanted very much to work — especially since it could have been your ticket away from her — but you had three young children you probably (wisely) did not want to leave in her care, besides you can work from home, so why not!?. I’m sorry that you were in that situation. You must have felt so trapped.
8. She told me that you were selfish, that you didn’t “get” her, that you didn’t care about what her  needs .or. what's needed from you. I now understand that there is no 'caring' in the world that is great enough to accommodate her needs. They are endless, and they are very, very important and she's so demanding. Apparently you kept most of the money you made, given that you had to accommodate two households, your own and hers. It would seem you gave her only 10% of you wages, and (she wanted 20%, per state law - she said - so she sued you while you were away on business out-of-state, no less). Again, I now understand that there is no 'caring' in terms of money 'sharing,' in the world that is great enough to accommodate her needs. They are endless, indeed and they are very, very important, of germane importance and she's so demanding, such that she, I understand,  takes your two party checks (ie Tax Refunds) forges your name, signs hers and cashes them into her checking account, every time you get an insurance check for your extended warranty for vehicle repairs and maintenance, I understand, only too well. She went as far as to take $10K +, sell the house, trade in the car -- your prized Silver '98 Mustang Convertible and hurriedly, packs up, to move 1,500 miles away. Going from NH to FL, 'coz, it's too cold in New England during the Winter months.. When you catch up with, her -- she does it again. Moves from FL to IL, which I didn't understand 'coz it's even colder in the Chicago IL area. I was told she had gotten, a better opportunity, not realizing it cost more to live there. When asked where she got the money," I believe, she said, "I hit the Lottery, (LOL), but twice in a short timeframe with odds 1 in 800MM, to win x2!?, I understand. The holders, of her former position(s) she held at OHA  - reports a loss of $400K and they blame the accountants, wasn't she a bookkeepper? And in Dupage County Housing they're missin' a cool, $1MM. Explains why, she picked up and left in a hurry!
9. She will always, need more and more.  I’m sorry that your needs were probably never met, in the process and I sincerely hope you are now with someone who meets them and is there for you. I believe she did tell you that, you need to find some one that'll be there for you, in her own way, a round about way - a passive -- aggressive way.
10. I am sorry I ever believed any of these things. I am sorry I was even mindfully, there to hear the words. I am sorry that I didn’t shut them down the second, I did.
11. I am sorry if you ever still miss her. I hope you don’t find it patronizing for me to assure you that you are too good for her, that you were always too good for her, and that you are better off without her.
12. For what it’s worth, and I’ve never met you so I don’t know where you stand on karma .or. schadenfreude, vengence, subterfuge .or. even, revenge, I can assure you that I am paying dearly for my betrayal of you, for my own moral weakness and my selfishness.
13. Also for what it’s worth, I can tell you that she now compares me unfavorably to you, the way she used to compare you unfavorably to me; this is what women like her do — I understand that now.
14. I am sorry for myself, for what I’ve let her do to my life. I know I have no right to be, but I am. I don’t know how I’m going to weather her, the storm and in some ways I know I deserve all this. She told me recently that you have found someone new, that you are (maybe) getting married, again. She scoffed at this, of course, muttered something about “the poor gal.” I turned away from her before I smiled, for you. Ironically, it’s now you — the one over whom I’ve felt guilt-ridden and regretful and maybe even pitied— it’s you who’s become my hero and my hope.