Love Deeper, Harder: What It Means To Be The Utimately, Vulnerable One In A Relationship
Vulnerability is a necessary part of loving relationships. It’s the one thing that allows for mutual trust to fully develop, however, this is only proportionally to the degree with which both parties allow themselves to be vulnerable to the other.
As luck would have it, most relationships have one party feeling much more vulnerable than the other, especially if one keeps his/ her distance for a variety of reasons associated with fear of intimacy issues.
Being the vulnerable one im a relationship can be difficult. Not just because of what it allows or doesn’t allow for, but also because it’s difficult to cope with, should relations, go south. Being vulnerable and being the only one vulnerable just adds to your vulnerability quote.
Most of all, it can be incredibly difficult to understand the how, what, when, where, & the why... the way you are feeling means and impact it will have on your life before and after the relationship.
You were the first one to fall in love, and the last one to know it has ended.
People are very complex – but thankfully, their complexity is mimicked and mirrored by countless others.
It often feels like the emotions and thoughts we’re experiencing are unique, and out of charater or body experience, such that the perception is, they have never been experienced by anyone before, but the truth is, what you feel has been and will be felt by countless others often simultaeneously.
Of course, no two emotions a single person feels or experiences a person has are exactly alike, so therefore, neither will two emotions or experiencial evidence felt by two separate individuals be identical, as well.
Nevertheless, there are mindfull patterns to be found in the way human beings experience emotions. Most interesting are the emotions we experience when we’re falling in love.
Vulnerability is a necessary part of loving an individual. For you to love someone, you’ll need to pull down your defrnses- your walls and allow this person in. You need to show him or her the person only you know yourself to be, your back stage self.
What this does is make us vulnerable. It makes us vulnerable to judgment, and ridicule... to the possibility you may scare him or her away. If you’re the first one to feel vulnerable, then you’re most likely the first one to have fallen for the other anf fallen hard.
But don’t worry, no one ever said true love manifests in both parties simultaneously. Sometimes, you just have to give it a little tim, and/ or a little push.
You love more deeply and once committed, you're loyal to a fault. Most likely, you are the more sensitive one – especially when it comes to his or her seeming insensitivity.
If you are the only one vulnerable in the relationship, then there’s a good chance you’re going to make life more difficult for yourself than it necessarily has to be.
Let me explain: If you are the only one feeling vulnerable, and you know you’re the only one feeling vulnerable, then you’re most likely going to worry about getting hurt. And justifiably so, as love wouldn’t be love without the possibility of heartbreak and the dreaded breakeup.
You’re likely going to take your partner’s coolness and inability to read your mind as him or her not caring enough or being sensitive enough to the way you’re feeling or to your needs. Of course, this is a silly thought, but people in love are often very silly.
Just because you know you’re feeling vulnerable doesn’t mean your lover knows you’re feeling vulnerable. Now, I know this may seem like a crazy idea… but why not talk to your partner and let him or her know how you’re feeling?
I know it’s scary, but just because you opened yourself up doesn’t mean your partner necessarily realizes you're open – some people are oblivious to such things. They have to be hit with a boom on the subject.
You have more to lose.
This is an unfortunate truth. If you’re the vulnerable one in the relationship – and are the only vulnerable one – you have more on the line to lose.
It’s always during this sweet spot, the point in the relationship when one person begins to fall for the other, that we have no choice but to put ourselves out there.
Most people spend the majority of their earlier years doing their best to shield themselves, to build a fortress around themselves – in other words, to keep people out or at a distance.
Then comes a time when we realize the fortress we’ve built is awfully lonely. So the only thing we can do is begin to trust people, begin to allow them in and hope they respect us and all we’ve kept locked up and hidden.
There is a high chance of you getting hurt.
Risk wouldn’t be risk if there weren’t a chance of losing, of feeling vulnerable and hurt. I know most people like to ignore this possibility, pretending like it doesn’t exist.
Ignorance is most certainly bliss, but this isn’t you remaining ignorant; this is you pretending like you don’t know what you know. It’s an inability to deal with reality.
Denile ain't a rivera in Egypt.
If you are making yourself vulnerable, then there is a chance of getting hurt. In fact, it’s almost guaranteed – being that vulnerable makes the smallest prick feel like a stab wound, its worst if you're back stabed. Just keep in mind that the larger risk, the greater the reward and/ or disapointment.
The more you open yourself up to another, the deeper you’ll be capable of falling in love and once committed the greater the loyalty factor on your part. This doesn’t guarantee things will work out between the two of you, but it does remove some friction.
And if you do get hurt, you learn whatever lessons are to be learned and bring them with you into your next relationship. You live on and move on and start over. The moving on is easy, but starting over is harder.
You have to accept your position and move past all the negative possibilities that haunt your thoughts and well being.
If you’re feeling vulnerable, then accept that as the way you are feeling. It can be a little scary, but it’s also exciting.
Cherish this moment because it is one of the best moments human beings experience in their lives – the moment of choosing to be vulnerable.
The most difficult part is going to be maintaining a grip on your reality. Being vulnerable does cause us to worry. It causes us to imagine unlikely yet possible events that, were they to come to fruition, would definitely devastate us.
The human mind is a powerful thing, but all that power can be difficult to control. Sometimes our thoughts run away from us. We lose control and begin thinking dark thoughts, most aren't even real.
It’s such thinking that often leads to ruined relationships. Sometimes the only thing between a successful relationship and a failed one is your mental capacity and capability for remaining focused not on only the future but also be mindfull of the here and now, and reality you wish to be a part of.
You’re utterly and completely deeply, in love.
There will be times in your life when you feel vulnerable, and there will be nothing you can do about it. In fact, that’s almost always how love starts out.
The reason people have built societies around the concept of love is – in large part – because it feels as if it is out of our control. We say we can’t help who we fall in love with.
We feel this way because when we first fall in love, we feel a sort of vulnerability. This need for another person develops and scares us.
If we need people, then we are necessarily dependent on them. And if we are dependent on them, then we are vulnerable to their influences.
Such Love has spawn wars between kingdom such as the story oh Belén of Troy, countless móviles have been made on the subject.
Yet, this sort of love albeit, is rather shallow. Falling in love feels amazing because it is out of our control, however, it isn’t true love. You have to love the soul not the person for it to be true, unconditional, eternal and forever for you will meet again perhaps in another life. People change, come and go some leave footprints on your heart and you're never the same.
Albeit, it isn’t the love that books, wars waged, philosophies, religions, cultures, societies have been built upon. To love someone in such a way, you have to take control of it. You have to take responsibility for it. You have to be vulnerable because you’re choosing to be vulnerable. You have to msnifest self-honesty, self-respect and self-responsibility, once internalized it becomes second nature to be and do the same for some one else.
When you do that, and your lover does the same, it transforms your relationship and the world(s) you see.
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