Forgive Yourself

To forgive yourself, you first need to understand what is truly happening in your current reality. Some time ago, you made a decision – you probably did or said something you are not very proud of. You feel guilty, angry, regretful and ashamed. You are now torturing yourself by thinking or worrying about what you could, would, should have said or done differently in that situation.
Forgiving yourself means letting go and releasing the negative emotions connected to that choice or event, not because they deserve it but because you need peace of mind.
The forgiveness process has no set timeline. Something can click inside of you by reading this article, or it may take a bit longer for you to fully release what you are holding onto. Either way, it’s okay. You are doing the best you can!

Why does it feel so bad?

The decision you took was against your core values and therefore who you truly are. The problem is that by replaying the event in your mind, you are keeping yourself stuck in the past. So, on top of that initial disappointment, you are adding new pain to it over and over again. It was an object lesson not a life sentence.

Understand that you are not your decisions

There are many different motivations as to why people do what they do, but we are often driven by the desire to feel better or to avoid pain. You're a good person you just made a bad decision or displayed bad judgement.
We all are human and by definition to ERR is human to forgive divine. We have all been hurt by someone or something. Sometimes we act out of character in an attempt to protect ourselves from feeling pain. Often, we don’t realize that to protect ourselves we hurt someone else.
Or it may be simpler than that. You might have been tired, sad, in a hurry, or overwhelmed with other decisions that day. You may not have carefully weighed the consequences of your actions.
Either way, you are holding that single decision against yourself, neglecting all the positive things you have done.
In other words, you are letting one single episode define who you are as a person, and that’s quite unfair.
No matter what we have been through or what we have done, in each and every one of us, there is a part that has remained intact, pure, innocent.
Even if it’s difficult to accept now, you have done what you thought was best in that moment. Best doesn’t always mean right, but, if you knew better, you would have done better.
Sometimes we lose ourselves and we can’t see that who we truly are is still there and was there the whole time. Getting yourself back is just one decision away. By letting go of the past, and simply changing your behavior, you automatically allow yourself to be who you truly are again – the you that wouldn’t make that same “mistake” twice.
It all comes down to one decision in the end: you can let your previous choices consume you for the rest of your life, or you can accept that you are human, you will make mistakes, and vow to learn from it and do better next time.

3 practical ways to forgive yourself

For more practical help, below you will find 3 specific ways to forgive yourself:

1. Remember who you are

Take a piece of paper and divide it into halves. On the right side, write down the thing you did and the personality traits of one who would have done something similar. On the left side, write down a list of your positive attributes. The goal is to remind yourself that you are so much more than whatever you did, that your positive traits will always outweigh the negative ones.

Example:

Selfish, irresponsible, insensitive

Generous, loyal, warm, compassionate, honest, reliable, patient, responsible, etc.

2. Look at yourself as you would look at someone you love

Oftentimes there is a double standard between ourselves and others. We are very critical and unforgiving of our own mistakes, but we wouldn’t hesitate to forgive someone we love if they did the same. For a moment, pretend that your best friend, your partner or a family member made that decision you did. What would you say to them?
There is no reason to be harder on yourself. Forgiving yourself is a significant act of self-love.

3. Shift your focus onto others vs yourself

Go out and do something for others. Find a volunteering opportunity, help an old lady with the groceries, donate some old clothes to the homeless. Not to feel better about yourself, but to reconnect with others and with what’s truly important in life. Sometimes we are so self-absorbed that we forget about what’s happening around us.
No matter how unforgivable you think you are in this moment, you are always a blessing in someone else’s eyes.
Remember "The Golden Rule "
The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as you want to be treated. It is a maxim that is found in many religions and cultures. It can be considered an ethic of reciprocity in some religions, although other religions treat it differently.
The most familiar version of the Golden Rule says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Moral philosophy has barely taken notice of the golden rule in its own terms despite the rule’s prominence in commonsense ethics.

Conclusion

Whatever you have done, whatever reason was behind that, the best way to forgive yourself is to simply change your behavior. This way, you let the past be the past and you can move on. You deserve to feel good again, you deserve to get joy back into your life, and only you can allow yourself to do that. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect or flawless to be pure of heart.

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